My ex husband took his 4yr to Disneyland 2wice for his BD's and took him on family vacations 3times and never took our 13yr to any vacation. We live in different states so my daughter visits him a few times yr and every time she visits they say they short on cash and they only take her to eat and buy her clothes.He is taking his wife this summer to Paris for her 25th BD and he supposed have our daughter for the summer but he says, he will have Christmas instead. I asked my ex to let our daughter come with them he said no kids aloud we even leaving our 4yr with grandma.What should I tell my daughter that her dad doesn't give a damp about her and that he thinks pay the child support that's all he has to do?? He always tells me his wife is the one who plans the Disney vacation for and she works over time to make sure our son gets what he wants.
Yes tell her the truth that you are a lazy mom who doesn't want support her and who is trying to use her as meal ticket. Leave your ex and his new family alone and get a life. His wife didn't father your child so she shouldn't pay for her husband past mistakes.
powered by Yahoo answers
January 15th, 2009 at 10:27 am
"Dad will not be taking you this summer but you will be with him for Christmas".
You do not need to let her know what kind of man her Dad is. She will find out on her own soon enough.
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Yes tell her the truth that you are a lazy mom who doesn't want support her and who is trying to use her as meal ticket. Leave your ex and his new family alone and get a life. His wife didn't father your child so she shouldn't pay for her husband past mistakes.
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:29 am
if shes 13, she'll probably eventually figure it out herself. just try to do more things like that with her do she dosent go all emo.
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Definitely don't tell her that he doesn't care about her. He still buys her clothes and takes her out to eat. Maybe he feels you've turned her against him. Maybe his new wife feels jealous of her or they don't get along. Why don't you try to plan some vacation time for them both without anyone else involved? Get some money together and suggest he do something with just his daughter and that she feels neglected?
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:30 am
My real father was kinda like that just he was never in the picture. WHen he did come in he didnt care about me. and alot of other crap happened. I didnt meet him until i was 7 and that was the last time. I visited with him like 4 times thats it. SInce then he hasnt done anything but try to contact me like twice but i turn him away. I came out fine wihtout my real dad. My step dad is my dad.
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:30 am
my sons dad would do the same thing!
skip him, talk to his wife instead. tell her that you understand he has a life with her and their child, but they also need to remember and include his other child with you. tell her how your 14 year old gets sad and resentful when she hears of these things, and you really don't want her to hate him when she is older. if that doesn't work, just tell your daughter that her dad needs to hear her concerns from her, not you, because then he then can't make excuses. if he still makes excuses it's up to your daughter on how she wants to handle it.
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:30 am
I am sure she can figure that out on her own and you should let her do so. Otherwise, you will look bad for trying to poison their relationship, even if there was not much of one to begin with.
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:31 am
What would the purpose be in telling a 13 year old girl this? Revenge, to make you look better? To trash her father? Even if you are upset with his behavior and think it's unfair, you have to be more mature than that. Let your daughter formulate her own opinions, and worry about doing your own job as her mother.
Life is unfair and it's terrible that he doesn't want to take her on family vacations but that is his choice and it is not your place to dictate where these people vacation, who they wanna take with them, or how much money they spend on people.
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:31 am
I wouldn't tell your daughter because it will break her heart. Just let her know that her dad will not be able to spend the time with her and if she has any questions to ask him. I know it sounds as if you have to cover up for her father's wrong doings but don't worry because she will notice it by herself. Talk to her dad again and let him know that what he is doing is wrong and that if he does not want to have any father daughter relationship with her then to tell you but to stop lying because one day it will hit him in the a**. Remember that no matter what your believes are that what goes around comes around and he will pay for what he is doing because that is very wrong and mean.
References :
God
January 15th, 2009 at 10:35 am
His wife is jealous of your daughter and causing most of this. He is dumb enough to fall for it or too weak to stand up against it. As far as what you tell your daughter, I would suggest sticking to facts and avoiding speculation: "This is the plan, and I do not know why." If she has a problem with it, she can ask him.
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Telling your daughter that Dad "doesn't give a damn" about her is opinion, not necessarily fact.
You should keep quiet.
When SHE tells him that "Mom said you don't give a damn", you could be open for a lawsuit to change custody, based on Parental Alienation — one parent purposely trying to change the child's opinion about other parent.
This is very difficult to prove, and he will probably lose the case, but in the mean time you, he and ALL of your children will go through another hell with court hearings, psychological evaluations, "guardian ad litems", and possibly even having the children moved to foster homes until the dust settles.
Best to keep your mouth shut. If he really "doesn't give a damn" she will learn it by herself all too soon, and without your coaching.
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Try to only speak of her father in a positive light. If you make him sound like a horrible guy she will resent you for painting him in that kind of light. She is getting to the age where she will see him for what he Truly is. Let her make up her own mind. All you can do is be the sholder she crys on when she figures it out.
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:45 am
that is his responsbility to parent the child..you don't have to make any excuses for him, behavior speaks it all..this is not your battle to fight..
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 10:48 am
WHY would you do that to your child? Revenge on your ex????
Keep your mouth shut, let your child love her dad and bud OUT.
See this is why there is so much family court drama….
References :
January 15th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
okay….
I can't understand why they are not including your daughter with their Disney vacations other than there may be an issue with his current wife only wanting it to be "her family" on these vacations, if that is the case that's very sad, selfish and petty on her and HIS part, he is your child's father after all and should insist on including HIS child in these activities.
however, you shouldn't tell her that he doesn't care about her, even if it is the truth, it will hurt her, you should never want to tell your child something that will hurt her feelings to get some sort of satisfaction in her father looking bad, she'll figure it out on her own in time. My advice would be to take her yourself or even to offer to pay for HALF of her costs to go with them the next time they go, so she can be included, I would even suggest you speak with her father and even his wife about the exclusion towards your daughter, it could be that they don't even realize they are doing it or how unfair it is to her.
My ex and his wife and I get along so well we ALL went on a Disney vacation at the beginning of December, our son, them, their son, her parents and my sis in law and nephew all went and had a wonderful time, but we get along with each other very well, if you are on somewhat civil terms with them (although it sounds like you aren't) ask if you and your daughter can come along, you pay for yourself and half for her and he pays the other half…rereading your post it doesn't seem like that could ever be an option…you seem upset about it and you have every right to be on behalf of your daughter, so talking to him and pointing these things out to him may open his eyes, they will not be able to hide family vacations they take from her forever, it's nice that his wife works overtime to provide for that vacation…but your daughter is part of that family too…before you say a word to her (which you shouldn't) you need to talk to him….if you're meeting a brick wall, forget about what they do or don't do, save up and take her yourself, she will someday see the unfairness of it for herself.
References :